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Posted by: Victor Karanja on 21/10/2017

Love is a commitment not a feeling

Love is a commitment not a feeling

I recall watching my sister (God rest her soul) shed tears over Boyz to Men as they sang their hearts out. Toned physiques with a rose in hand as the rain caressed their bodies. I often found myself walking out because that kind of environment went against everything I believed in. Not to mention, I couldn’t stand the shrieks she let out every time her ‘boy to man’ (sorry I can’t remember his name) started singing.


Don’t get it twisted, I was a hopeless romantic myself and often found myself singing along to the likes of Westlife, Usher, R-Kelly, B2K, Michael Bolton (yes, I’m a 90’s kid); the list is endless. I wasn’t even ten then, but my love for music surpassed any emotion. I remember writing a note to my primary school crush telling her she is my sweet potato; it’s funnier when I remember that that was the sweetest thing I could think of at the moment so yes, hopeless romantic.


Fast forward a few years into high school and I’m writing letters to my girlfriend in scented writing pads quoting love lyrics (facepalm). The saddest thing about my high school love experience is after it was over, all my friends were bragging about the kisses and the fondling. I was too busy being Mr. Nice Guy to fondle my lady’s bosom (second facepalm).


I’m not saying it was mandatory, but these are some of the experiences that turn boys to men, so to say. I think I deserve props for being among the very few guys I know who can remember their first real kiss, not the face licking kisses. I handled my relationship pretty well during my teenage years as most boys did; the girls were smart but also receptive. Fast forward a few years and I’m not sure I want to get married.


 Just last week, my friend was talking to me about his relationship. Apparently, his girlfriend wants to move in with him, she has already told her parents and even introduced my pal. However, my mate is so scared of commitment you can literally hear the fear in his voice every time we speak on the subject.


Being the best friend, I advised him the best way I could; don’t do it bro, issa trap. (Comic break) I had to get some sense of humor into the topic otherwise my boy would have needed some medical attention, seeing he was already sweating, and I’m not sure he had an NHIF card (one of the things the needs to get ASAP). As we talked, I realized that his fear stemmed from his back ground.


I could say the same about myself as well seeing I was listening to the sweetest songs and watching soap operas with my sister, mother and other siblings. I could complain of not having a father-figure to teach me the ropes but I had a few, really. The problem was their actions didn’t match their words.

They were also discovering freedom and earning their first cheques while my peers were getting comfortable in the village in readiness to marry. However, they were doing so in their mother’s compounds, some even before clearing high-school. My friend’s biggest worry is how he will live with a woman in the same house considering how unpredictable life is becoming.


Not to mention, her moving in means some changes will be made and he still wants his freedom (not to cheat, to play PlayStation with the boys or wash the dishes after a day or two, and the likes). What most people don’t know is there is a way to balance commitment and your freedom. If you have spent more than five years with someone and they still look at you with the same eyes as when you fell in-love with you, then you have something special.


The world we live in is slowly downgrading the meaning of true partnership and most men are running away, scared. One thing’s for sure though, don’t expect women to start proposing and doing the things a man should do; not that they can’t but we’d all be doomed (sorry ladies). It doesn’t take a blind man to see, in a time when relationships last only a few months, five years is real love.


By now she knows everything about you bro, so stop being a chicken and lead the way for those of us who are waiting in line. It’s really a thing to envy because while my friend is being handed the marriage go-ahead by a family and woman who truly loves him, some of us are still playing pick-a-boo. All the best my friend.

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